Calm Maddness

Saw this and was like whoa!

madimageinc@gmail.com — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 02:15:13 GMT

We're on a mission from Madhero.

Personal Family Entry: My Sisters and Me

madimageinc@gmail.com — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:58:37 GMT

For some reason, I feel that I have to write about my Sisters.

Sometimes, I feel that we come to common grounds about our living circumstances, my sisters and I. They are the one closest to me in age so I expect that they feel the same way I do. But now I am realizing that they only feel the same way I did when I was their age but obviously, or difference in gender and place in the family gives us very different view points.

I remember when I was their age and I didn't understand what it meant to be part of a family. No. For me, it wasn't that I only didn't understand but I didn't want to be part of my current family. I resented the name and the responsibilities that I didn't bring upon myself willingly in my family. Regardless, I had to carry out duties and take responsibilities of being the oldest of many.

But I look upon my sisters now and all they do is give excuses and make themselves distant from the family. As if their goal is to be strangers in a household they is more or less their own. I guess looking back on it now, I felt that way before but I still helped out around the house, to help with the generalized mechanics of life at home, or to just keep the peace.

And the worst part is that my mother is not only supporting the idea, she instigated it. She believes that because she is miserable because of my father that the boys have to be miserable as well. So I am equally as upset with her as I am with my sisters but my sisters have the choice to make their own choice.

And it looks like they made it.

I don't know, I guess I just wish that they cared ... just a little more about family.

But who am I, but a mirror image of their behavior.

Heroes

madimageinc@gmail.com — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 00:50:29 GMT

I saw Heroes last night.

And I dream again.

Happy Birthday ... and you didn't even think I would remember

madimageinc@gmail.com — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 16:23:55 GMT

Happy Birthday indigoskynet

But since I've been over loaded with work, do you mind waiting a little for your birthday sketch?

Not Surprised. I just wish I was truely as smart as Bruce Wayne.

madimageinc@gmail.com — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 16:22:07 GMT

Your results:
You are Batman

Batman		85%
Hulk		85%
Catwoman		65%
Robin		52%
Superman		50%
Spider-Man		45%
Green Lantern		45%
The Flash		40%
Iron Man		30%
Supergirl		27%
Wonder Woman		12%

You are dark, love gadgets
and have vowed to help the innocent
not suffer the pain you have endured.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Last Public Entry for a While

madimageinc@gmail.com — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:41:04 GMT

Hey Guys and Gals. It has been a long time since my last entry and I have been busy!

Hal spent a lot of time with me in the few last days at home. We chilled and talked a lot. It really helped me feel a lot easier about going to college. Obviously, my 'parental units' don't really care beyond academics. He was so cool that he was going to lend me one of his guitars but there was a complication and it was postponed. Damn.
It would have been hard to conceal anyways.

But now that I am here, I am back into the swing of acedemic achievements. So further entries will most likely be friends only.

But I do want to thank everyone that kept in touch with me during my little bump of my academic career. ^_^ And all those in MII. I will hope that the community will continue to grow and prosper!

This is How I Spend My Last Friday Night in Hell

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 13:16:44 GMT

I only have a few things to say:

I was inspired by experiencing both the new single from Evanescence’s new album and watching the comic from Marvel Nemesis, inspiration came to me that allowed me to finish the last page of my prologue to MadImageInc! I am so excited. All that is left is going back to revise, then the inking, then the scanning and the editing and then the posting. One step closer to realizing that the dream is not dead! Yeah!

On a sadder note, the new Evanescence CD doesn't even come out until October! WTF! I want it now!

I just thought about my sister and how much she has succeeded. She has always did better in school than me. I say that is because she didn't have parents putting their hands were it didn't belong. Anyways, she seems to be doing very well at her university. Enough finances to live comfortably and she is even able to give the others laptops and such. And I realized tonight, for only a brief moment that I was jealous of my sister's success.

I felt extremely bad about feeling jealous. I know it is normal but then me feeling jealous would mean that once again, I am feeling a sense of failure in my own accomplishments. And as much as that drives me, I can feel myself slipping inward for self protection. I guess I am in for a rude awakening if I truly want to do better than my former selves.

And once again, I find myself asking if I can fill these shoes that are my own vague expectations.

God, I hope so.

Now that I am packing for Clarion, I am finding a lot of little trinkets that I kept. Mostly those that I remind me of the 2 years I spend with Queen. I almost went a seizure like episode - so I found an empty duffle bag and put everything that basically reminded me of her and put it in the duffle bag. I put pages in a box or folder. Gifts and items went with a plastic bag. I think I am just going to stick it someplace so that the chances of me having such a hardcore flashback like today will be reduced tremendously.

Obviously, this means that I miss her. But I came to realize something a few days ago. I might express it some other time. But not right now - so soon after my flashback. It could trigger yet another one.

So I was playing my PS2, probably for the last time in a few months and I realize a few things. I am getting tired. I wasn't sure if it was because it was crawling to 2 in the morning or if it was because I was tired of playing the games I was playing but ... yeah, I was getting bored of them. Then I realized that I wished I hadn't traded in some games in the past few months. For example, I wished I still had Rise to Honor coz I was so in the mood for some Asian Kung Fu! Instead, I ended up watching Replacement Killers - one of my many movies in my collections of movies themed on hit men. >.>

Well, that is it for now. Now off to continue waiting for the day I get to start my life over again. Oh~ I'm so excited!

The Following Happened ...

madimageinc@gmail.com — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 19:23:24 GMT

Well some of you guys and gals might know by now but I have decided to go to Clarion University. I think it is a temporary location until I get my feet back on the ground to transfer elsewhere with a larger name recogntion. I might transfer to Drxel (my current number one choice right now) or Penn State or University of Pittsburgh or even Widener when I resolve that financial gap. But, for now, Clarion is going to be my base of operation. This time around, I am going to try to manage my time a lot better than with the last few semesters of Widener.

And even though I am content with my own plan, my 'parents' are trying very hard to make things difficult for me. Just this morning, after being accepted and going through this who progress, they want to still suggest that I don't go to Clarion because it is majority white. The crap I have to put up with.

Well, I have about less than a week so I should try to deal with it until then. Then I get to read for a while without this so-called family and concentrate on what I really want to do and not what I think I want to do. I realize I think a lot more than I do and I want that to change. I think I am going to start listening to my gut feeling and stop trying to anaylsis too much. Who knows, I might even make something out of myself at Clarion and move on from there.

Other than that, I am trying to organize my life. Thoughts of Queen obviously still creep into my head and I miss her tremenously. But I am starting to slowly (very slowly) begin to realize that there is no way to get her back by myself. I said this before, I am sure. But the more I am able to come to terms with it, the more I am able to pick myself up and continue to move forward.

In other news, I am constantly thinking of MII and what I can do to help it grow. I also am starting to connect with the members more which is in turn, giving me ideas and things to help it progress. I am about to post another assignment before I leave so MII members, look out and prepare to take a deeper, darker look into yourself.

That is it for now.
More later.

If anyone has had a dream about me recently please post a comment about it. I am testing out a theory.

Everyone Loosey!

madimageinc@gmail.com — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 19:39:57 GMT

I have actually been productive in the few past weeks so I‘ll write about it. I still can't drive but that is because finding someone to take me down without spending money is difficult. Very difficult. I do not know when I'll get around to it because school starts soon.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, contrary to popular believe a few months ago, I was able to get myself into not just one but two institutions of higher education: Lincoln and Clarion. It took me a while to inform the people that I live with but I think they were excited to learn that I wasn't a complete failure as was they thought I was.

But I am glad I am now accepted. However, with this new found salvation, I am stuck to ponder which institution to attend. Lincoln starts on the 14th and that is closer to Philadelphia and my old friends (and some old former friends). However, Clarion starts on the 28th and since it happens to be located in the middle of no where Pennsylvania and I do not know anyone even in the nameless surrounding area it gives me a chance to start a new life, fresh in a small 'city'. Sadly enough they are far apart so there isn't like a criss-cross of benefits.

If I attended Lincoln, I could close to those that I hold dear (and even those that do not hold me as dear). And with it being so close to the city of Philadelphia, there are more opportunities there for me to grasp. I could join the CCC in Lincoln University and through that, grow and probably be able to see Queen again back at Widener. And since it is a lot closer to Widener, I could visit my other friends often.

And yet, with Clarion, I could kind of start my social life over. Forget about my past (as dear as I hold it to my heart) and develop a new relationship with new people. I could think it through this time and not take my friendships for granted as I did last time. Also, since it does happen to be in the middle of no where, I will probably have less distractions (aside from the distraction I create for myself) and who knows. Maybe this no name place has some secrets that I can uncover.

In any case, to my family, it all depends on who is giving me more aid to attend. So far - Clarion is winning. Lincoln ... is being lazy.

I've finally beaten KINGDOM HEARTS II. All I have to say is that everything in the middle was useless. The beginning and the end are freakin mind blowing. I mean, seriously, all the middle stuff was completely useless. I was excited when I started the game and I was excited when I ended the game. But I suck because I didn't beat it on Proud mode. Yeah, I could just try to get everything on Standard mode but ... that is so much work! And I do want to send it to Paris. I think he might like it. At the very least, he'll agree with me about the game being great except for everything in the middle.

Oh, and my siblings broke my DDR Extreme Disc that Hal got me for X-Mas. Yes, it hit me hard because I know Hal put not only cash down but he also put heart into getting me the gift and I took the gift close to heart. So now, it is in my room, in its case, half cracked. From the side to the middle. I can't even bear looking at the case because it upsets me that I won't even be able to bring it with me for exercise purposes. T.T Darn siblings. I would demand that they pay for it but being in elementary school - money hardly comes by them.

Well, that seems to be all I want to write about for now. If there is anything else that I want to write about then I’ll probably post it friends only because it might be more personal than I want the general public to bore with.

Sexual Outburst

madimageinc@gmail.com — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 10:20:17 GMT

I have to make a public apology. For the past 24 hours or so, I have been abnormally horny and I cannot exactly explain why. Yes I am a male and it is normal (even expected) but for the most part, I tend to be able to control my alpha male sex drive. And Cowgirl continuously keeps telling me, 'building up' such urges can be unhealthy, and the last 24 hours is proof that sometimes, even I cannot control my animal like insticts.

So I have to apologize for the people whom I've sent IMs to exclaiming my sexual dilemma. Sam, Ten, Cowgirl, Lori, Z and probably more. Gosh, I feel so embarassed that I got so out of control. I usually am able to keep things like this in check. Must be the unbearable heat recently. But that is just an excuse. I'll have to work harder next time.

And yet, it isn't over. During my Crazed Sex-apade, I wrote a sex story. Yeah, I know. Me sex story? Impossible. I thought so anyway. Until I read it after the sex spell was lifted and ... well, I'll let you be the judge of my material.

Warning!!!
This material is not meant for children under the age of 18. Even those over said age might blush with the material about to be read. If you seriously feel you can handle it, then please, read at your own risk - and comment! If it is a success (aka a lot of comments), then I might continue the story the next time the sex moon is full ... or something.

The Result of my Horniness

... meanwhile

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 05:56:57 GMT

Well, the person who actually figured out the answer to the puzzle was no other than Heartbreaker (TESSA33). And her prize? She gets several personal sketches. Yeah, I know it isn't like a free trip to Miami or anything but I think she'll appreciate the prize - even though most of my drawings that I give to the ladies tend to get lost places like the train station or the air port or something.

In any case, if anyone actually would like my cell phone number, simply leave a comment and I'll fit you in on my new digits.

Well, I should really get back to the several sketches I should be doing and the several games that I should get done. I am loving Most Wanted (NFS) and I am playing XMen Legends and Legends II.

Fun Fun Fun

Loss Of Words

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 05:53:52 GMT

I don't know what to say. I haven't known what to say for several weeks now. There is so much going on around me but I don't know what to say about any of it. I suppose that is as good an excuse as any for not updating in weeks. Speechlessness.

Even now, I am going back and forth on the words that I want to use to describe my current temptest of emotions and mental state. Do I talk about my uncertain academic future or do I talk about my continuous failed attempts to expand my talents and potentials? Do I talk about my feeling like an complete outsider at work or how I just feel alone at life? Do I talk about my continuous failed attempts to expand my talents and potentials or do I talk about my own financial problems (let alone my 'benefactors'' financial problems?

Or let's flip it? Do I talk about my growing community or do I talk about how I am slowly reconnecting with friends such as Hal and Danny and Heartbreaker? Do I talk about ... well, I don't got much else running good for me except that. If this is my seasonal depression kicking in and I would like to get out and walk the rest of the way. But the thing is that I have to see it through.

I just wish I had someone in my corner that I can confide in but I really don t have anyone to really express myself to. I don't have my old friends from freshmen college to confide in and my current friends are busy dealing with their own loads. I just wish I had someone to unload on. And at the same time, I should really deal with my own problems and work it out myself. But I do wish I had someone to just talk to. Someone who thought it was worth a damn. But even if I was able to find this person that cared just enough to stick and listen ... what would I say?

What In The World is My Cell Phone Number?

madimageinc@gmail.com — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 21:36:06 GMT

Alright, I know I am long overdue for an update and I promise you that you'll get it. But for now, just know that I am now reachable via cell phone. But since the internet is such a dangerous place, I had to make it into a little puzzle. Can you figure it out?

If you can figure it out, you'll get a prize. I promise. And no cheating. And the puzzle results in (Area Code) First Three Numbers - Last Four Numbers.Also, these things aren't common knowledge so you'll have to look them up either on Google or Wikipedia.

Good Luck

(Love and Labor: The Unbroken Law / The Burden of Life: The Broken Law) Madison's Area Code in Wisconsin - The 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution is adopted guaranteeing African Americans full citizenship and all persons in the United States due process of law.

Hint:
(Location of Statues. You'll have to figure out from the location what the area code is) Find Madison in Wisconsin - In What Year?

All Comments Will Be Screened ... to save cheating.

A Dream ... about Queen

madimageinc@gmail.com — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 12:41:44 GMT

I had a dream just last night ... this morning. The power was out so I wasn't sleeping in my room. I was in the living room. But I had a dream about her.

About Queen.

I don't remember everything 100% . I do remember that I was somewhere futurisitc. Things were chromed and wired. And she was there. At first, she behaved as I would expect. Ignoring my existance. Then somehow, we started talking. Ever see in movies or videoes that it looks like someone is leaning up against a wall but they are really laying down? Well that happened here.

At first I thought we were standing talking to each other. Then I realized that we were laying down. Then she asked me "Do you remember the time [something something something]" but I couldn't remember. I felt kind of bad but she said that it was okay because she remembered about my memory. Then I asked her "Do you remember the time [something... ]" and she instantly remembered. I forgot that her memory was completely polar to mine. We laughed and I was able to hold her in my arms. When she talked to me, I was able to feel the warmth of her words on my face, she was so close.

Then I tried to talk to her and I realized that the warmth of my own breathe ... I couldn't feel my owm breathe. Then I realized everything disappearing ... like an slow explodsion, everything disappeared into black and then I woke up and tried to grab Queen ...

... she was already gone.

Recently ...

madimageinc@gmail.com — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 15:29:52 GMT

It has been forever since I have last updated. But don’t think it is because nothing worth writing has been happening to me. On the contrary, I have had quite an eventful last few months of many triumphs and loses. The only thing is where to begin. I don't want to bore you with the long version so I'll make it as short as I possibly can.

I've been trying to spend a lot more social time in the real world. I know it sounds odd reading the words 'real world' but I have been feeling that until recently, I've been deprived of it. So I've been going out with Hal and ... just having fun. Fun I feel I should have felt years ago instead of oppression. lol I feel like a freed slave in that sense. (not caring much for that metaphor but it is the best one at the moment).

And Danny called a few days ago with great news. He's been on top of things for me and he talked to his mom and they think it is alright that if by Fall I get kicked out, they say I can stay with them. I am completely psyched about that. Danny currently lives in Florida but he says that he might be moving back to Philadelphia before the end of the summer and that would be great because I could still work some things out from last semester (socially, not financially unfortunately). But Florida would be great too. I mean, from the many art schools that I have researched (without my parent's knowledge - just to save myself the headache of hour long lectures) Florida is one of the hot spots for artistic explorers. I might find something there that might inspire me to either move forward or move upward.

Another even that has me empowered is that I actually stood my ground against my father without (a) switching or (b) giving way to his manipulative ways. I consider this a personal victory. Even though the points he made were valid, they came out pissy (as usual) so I dominated by not letting my madness control me but by using it to my advantage. It was about my focus on finding a new college to attend in the fall. He was mad that he had to 'convince' me to be assertive with my college search but in reality, something else happened to me that made me want it a little more. Nothing that he would understand. Trust me, I know he wouldn't care or understand. But that is okay. With my victory, I am beginning to see another image within myself. An image I can actually smile at.

FIONA and REDEMPTIONS

madimageinc@gmail.com — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:26:18 GMT

It has been forever, I know. And the worst part is that I don't feel all that busy or accomplished in my absence. I am a slave to FIONA. I end up spending most of my time just playing around with her. She is getting sooooo cute with all the new things I've uploaded on her. If only I could find the right skin for her.

More on FIONA later.

But I have to say that my artwork is suffering ... until late (aka last night). Last night, I was goign through tracks on the laptop and I heard this song that I usualy jump over because I haven't heard of the person. But when I heard this one track, I feel in love. It sounded like one of those American Folk Lore tunes.

And with that came an idea for a short story. More on that later! Promise!

I'm in the Celestial Choir!

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sat, 20 May 2006 06:45:12 GMT

Find your Celestial Choir

Moving Just Fine Right Now

madimageinc@gmail.com — Fri, 19 May 2006 16:12:22 GMT

I am feeling alright today. Yeah! I know, what a rarity. MII still kind of feels like it is stalled but that is just a bump I'll work with as soon as I get other things situated.

I love my FIONA so much. That's right, her name is FIONA now. It was a battle between FIONA and SOPHIA(or SOPHIE) but I found myself calling FIONA more often than SOPHIA(or SOPHIE) so ... FIONA it is. I'll show you guys a screenshot later of my design and background. I am still learning a few new things about her each day so it is extremely exciting. Anyone with any tips on my FIONA is more than welcome to comment.

I am loving my job! I love it to death! I wish I had more hours but all in all, I love working where I work. I might try to find another job in the area so that I am kept busy and paid. An idol mind/body is something I am gonna try to advoid this summer.

Looks like I am gonna have to wait longer to drive though. My permit expires again and they say I have to send in some papers via snail mail. Never heard of anything so stupid but I guess it is how the government works. But I do want to 'legally' drive before the end of the summer. That is my goal this time around, along with keeping this new job for as long as I can and getting into an educational institution for the Fall.

I gotta try a little harder to make my goals to come to pass.

I had this dream, right ...

madimageinc@gmail.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 16:01:12 GMT

I had a dream. It was pretty long and I don't remember the beginning of it but I do remember the end part of it. For one reason or another, I was in my mother's room and saw a red flare coming from under the end. I yelled for my mother to get a Fire Exstingusher (I don't even know if we really have one now that I think about it). While she was getting the fire exstingisher, I took a peek under the end and then these tenticles (or feelers ... multiple fellers) reached out and touched me rapidly together. I freaked out and jumped back from under the bed and I yelled for my mom to hurry up. When she got into the room, she tried to use the fire exstinguisher herself and she wasn't all that efficent with it so I was struggling to get it from her. Well, struggling to get it from her, I kind of forgot that it wasn't a fire under the bed and I went under the bed again to take out the 'fire'. Then I was 'attacked' by the tentecles that now look as thin as cassette tape but moved twice as fast and it felt like there was muscule backing it up. I jumped back again and realized that whatever it was under the bed, a fire exstinguisher wasn't gonna take care of it.

Then I woke up.

I remember read in my friend's list that dreams with bug (which what i think was under the bed. a huge bug.) and that it has something to do with guilt. >.> I think it hit the mark this time.

Moment of Clarity

madimageinc@gmail.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 15:59:56 GMT

I worry if I am doing right by my community. I want it to be active with assignments and regular posts so that people have something to see when they drop by. I also want to give the members a reason to constantly draw/sketch so that they keep working on it. Not just on subjects that they want but with something new that they've probably thought about doing but had no reason to.

But am I doing a good enough job? I mean, do I motive them enough or do I even do my part to draw more people to actually be a part of my community or even to simply watch out for the artwork that we create? Is my ambition misplaced or am I not trying hard enough?

I just wish that I knew how to be a good leader with this because I really want to step up and do it. And I don't just want to be a self acclaimed leader but I want them to see that I deserve it through what I do.

... I suppose I should be getting back to work on it then. I still have to design this website that I have in mind and I should redo the last assignment, It seems kind of half @$$ly done. I shouldn't rush to get my artwork posted without editing it throughly.

looking out for others

madimageinc@gmail.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 15:52:43 GMT

I am the kind of person that gets enraged with inconsiderate people. People who are so consumed with thier own world that they consider other people's existence a neusance. I understand that people have to look out for themselves but when someone is trying to reach out to you and you scoff at their 'pathetic behavior', that fires me up to super nova pissed status and I want to toss that person around a room trying to knock some sense into them.

I should refrain from my violent tention but it just upsets me that when people ignore the hand of the helpless or just insult it. But maybe it is me being so upset at myself for letting people I've known slip through my fingers not because I didn't want to help them but because I didn't know how to help them. I get mad that I couldn't do more when I wanted to do more.

Taz the Goth

madimageinc@gmail.com — Fri, 12 May 2006 16:15:01 GMT

I've been busy artwise and a few other things. I have a job that starts next week and I have another interview Saturday. My sister is coming home next week so I can leave some responsiblities to her.

I have more but I'm runningun low on time.
Until later, you'll have to look at this!

This is

It's been a good week

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sun, 07 May 2006 07:43:22 GMT

I've a bad guy believe it or not. I did a few bad things in my past and I have a few things that I wish I could take back so I usually don't feel that I deserve good things. Yet, people tell me that I am a good person and that I do. So you can guess on the mental conflict I tend to go through. But recently life has been treating me decently well and even though I still feel the same way, I am very greatful for my recent good fortune.

I have three interviews in the next three days and I just had one today with American Eagle Outfitters. I am not sure if it was because I talked there or because I was nervous but I was swimming in my own sweet! And I was super nervous because when I was younger, I suppose I took in too much salt in my food intake so when I would sweet, it would leave salt tracks running down my face. It was embarassing back then and I would die if it happened to me beacuse I know that no one would really tell me about it until after the fact. But it went pretty well. There was this cute asian girl there, Thy (T.) and there was this other girl there who looked familiar. She was very quiet and to herself. Her name was Kim. And there was this other guy there. Alex I think his name was.

Well, we had to fill out these series of questions and all and we were on couches so it was kind of difficult to write anything on. I offered my folder in my backpack to Alex while I used a 'gamecase'! (hee hee) T and Kim had their own thing their were using. Then I started to wonder with the questions. I mean, my mind went off on such a tangent that somehow ended me with Men In Black and the scene that Will Smith grabs a table from the middle of the room and uses it to fill out his paper. Well, I snap back into reality and realize that in front of me was a table and under that stationary table was another table with wheels! O.O woot woot So I grabbed it and offered it to the others. Kim was the only one who refused but I was fine with it. Not the first time being rejected so I coped.

Well the rest of the interview went fairly well. Toward the end of the interview, they wanted each of us to pick out an outfit for our interviewer, Jackie. I was thinking, "OH NO! I bearly can make myself match! I find clothes! I don't match them!" In matter of fact, one of the reasons I am kind of excited about working at American Eagle is beause I want a better sense of clothing for my drawings. So I thought, "Best time to start seeing what we are made of" and I picked out what matched with her jewelery (which was green) and she said that she thought I did a good job. I wish I bothered to get her new shoes and some new jewelery like Alex and Kim thought about. But it was interesting to do something like that. Trying to find an outfit for someone. I usually dodge such opportunities but this time, I am glad that I got to do it. I feel I have more of a sense of an outfit so I can draw better outfits on my characters!

I have two more interviews on Monday with 'The Limited' and 'EB Games'. I just hope that I find myself a better pair of pants to wear, now that I have a better sense of fashion. lol

Yes, it came in today. I was so freakin giddy when I saw a huge white package in the mail and opened it with my teeth to get it out of its wrapping. Yeah, no manuel and all but I'll live with whatever I get from FAQ. There is one problem though. I really wanted to get Kingdom Hearts 1 and finish that and the Chain of Memory version so that I can have a better understanding of the game. Well, I'll make my decision later today whether I will play it now or wait until I get KH1 and finish CoM (darn that Captain Hook to heck).

I am still in contact with a few of my friends from first semester and that puts a smile on my face whenever I talk to them. My friend, B, keeps me filled in on the old girls of my life so I know that things are still going well for them. I am sad and happy that she is graduating though. I can only hope that somehow, I can get down there on 20th by myself to see her and Queen graduate. It saddens me that Queen will be a graduate because that would mean that if I were to visit to try to pack up an invested bond between my old female crew of friends, it will be another difficult ostacle to get over.

And there is Rae, another one of the exiled like I was but she was exiled before me and I tried to keep in touch with her after she was exiled. But now that I am an 'exiled', it is like we have something more in common. We are cool and all. I just wish my male horomones would shut up more often. I hate how being a guy means that you insides wants to pounce on everything that is the opposite sex. I'll have to do more self disclpine practice (aka mediation). lol But we are cool and it is nice to have someone so strong still on my side still.

I have always dreamed about outdoing LeonSyn but not in a malice way. More like trying to prove to myself that I can not just be like him but better than him. So I have picked up a few things. I am trying to learn some swordmanship using my daito. I have some offical training but mostly, it is by myself. The bad thing is that sometimes, I'll put it down for a while but I am starting it up again after watching this asian movie about a blind swordsman. I feel that if I can continue to discpline myself to do what I really want to do then things will happen. Kind of like this job thing. I am so happy because this morning, I was like, "Do I even have to go?!?" but I pulled myself out of bed and get myself ready hours before hand. Yay me!!!

I am so excited about madimageinc because I am feeling some sort of bong growing between us. I am loving how we all kind of seem to click every now and then. Yeah, I can tell when their work is below caring and when they really are doing something that they want to do and I try to change things up accordingly. I kind of feel like a teacher or something but most times I feel like Monke D. Luffy (One Piece) and I have my crew who is behind me regardless of what crazy thing that I say or go through.

I scout out to see if anyone is interested in at least watching the community and hopefully want to join to get better with their artwork but I am not being greedy. I am so content with my current crew that a part of me doesn't want that to change but at the same time, the other part of me wants madimageinc to grow into something bigger.

But I am content with what is going on right now. We are getting better and we are getting more watchers.

Crazy Talk

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sun, 07 May 2006 07:40:29 GMT

I know this sounds crazy but I get these notions to be bad to off set a bad mood. I feel in such a funk that I need something to off set it and I usually start behaving like the anti-good guy. It feels like I am a completely different person. The reasons for these funks are usually all the same (if not simular).

I just need some sort of fix right now. Please, just anything to not make me feel like this. For me not to feel left behind.

Have You Ever? [late post]

madimageinc@gmail.com — Sun, 07 May 2006 07:36:38 GMT

Sitting down, doing something completely unrelated, I came to the realization of something. It was only for a moment and I forgot it just a quickly as I came to it but it was so pure and true that the world came sharper to me. I don't mean mentally sharper but I mean that everything sharpens.

Your sight.
Your hearing.
Your smell.
Your senses. It all just gets so sharp that you feel that your about to explode from the overload.

I had that today: 11:00PM, Friday, May 5th 2006.